Move Past Fear Into Your Next Chapter…Even While You’re Still Afraid
August 19, 2020
Fear is an emotion that every person experiences at some point in their life. Fear is also an emotion that is hard to fully get rid of. It may go away for a time, but it’s sneaky and somehow finds a way to creep back in. So instead of focusing on how to eliminate fear completely, let’s talk about how to move past it so you can push forward into the next chapter of your life.
There is a saying I love that goes, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” This speaks to the idea that you can make things happen even while you’re still afraid. Your fears and worries are present but you don’t let them stop you. That is honestly how many of us get through life and it is the key to moving forward.
A personal example for me has been becoming a mother. My partner and I felt that it was time for us to start trying, and I was terrified of the unknown. Was I even mother material? Would my child love me? Would I even be able to conceive? I worried about soooooo many things, but I still went forward with it. I carried my fears in an invisible backpack and took them with me through my whole pregnancy, and I still have them as I journey through motherhood.
Since we know that our fears are not going to fully disappear, let’s go over some strategies we can use to help us take action anyway.
Write them down.
In order to tackle our feelings, it helps to first acknowledge their existence in the first place. Grab a journal/piece of paper, get quiet, and start listing out the fears you’re having about a situation.
In my case, I had many about being pregnant:
“What if I can’t conceive? Will I be able to carry a baby to full term? There is always a possibility that I could miscarry. I have no idea what I’m doing!”
I still have many today, now that my son is here:
“What if he doesn’t love me? Am I going to mess him up? Is he developing appropriately? How do I raise a black boy safely in this country?”
Writing down your fears is a great starting point. You know what’s bothering you and can more easily start unpacking them.
Figure out what’s behind them.
If we dig more deeply, we will usually see that there is an even bigger fear lurking behind the ones we feel at the surface. As you’re write down your fears, begin to think about where they might be coming from. See if any of your fears are similar or connected in some way.
With my above examples, I was able to see that a lot of my fears were rooted in how I felt about my body, my insecurities about being a good mom, and a larger fear that I have around loss. Getting to the deeper issues helped me pinpoint the areas I needed to work on even more.
Tell someone about them.
It helps so much to get your fears out and talk to someone about them. Make sure it is a trusted person who won’t judge you. Sometimes when you hear things out loud, you’re able to process them differently. You can also get a new perspective by hearing what others have to say.
I am so grateful because I had so many friends, family members, and my counselor who listened to my worries and gave me comfort. I was surprised by how many could relate to my feelings and offer their support. I also found women online via YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram that gave advice, shared their stories, and taught me so much.
Reflect on what you know is true.
One of my greatest weapons for dealing with fear and negativity is to counter them with positive truths. These are things I would say to myself when a fear popped into my head. I’ll share a couple examples below and then take a moment to come up with your own that are related to your fears. Simply make a 2-column table like the one below:
|My Fear||My Truth|
|I don’t know what I’m doing.||No one does, and I know that I am resourceful and good at figuring things out.|
|My baby won’t love me.||So many people in my life already love me, so I know that I am a loveable person.|
Choose small actions to take.
Now it’s time to take the next step. You may still hold some fears within you, but through the previous suggestions above, you will hopefully feel more empowered to move forward. Ask yourself what is just one action you could take that would make things seem less scary? Start with something small that feels manageable.
In my case, one of the first things I did when I decided that I was ready for pregnancy was to get my fertility checked. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant, so I asked my gynecologist if I could get my eggs checked. It was a small ask, thankfully she said yes, and I found out that I was in fact fertile. We also talked about next steps for if we found out that I wasn’t. This small action ultimately gave me the peace of mind and confidence to continue the journey.
Feeling fear isn’t going anywhere, but there are things you can do to diminish their power so you can propel into the next chapter of your life. Have you tried any of these strategies yourself? If so, what was the result? Or do you have another tip that wasn’t listed? Let me know by leaving a comment below or connecting with me on Instagram.
🌟Shine brightly from the inside out!🌟